Monday Mystifier… In honour of Charity.

No, I am not talking about a person. In a way, today’s post isn’t just a way of waking your muse up after the weekend, it’s also about teamwork and charity.

You see, about a year ago, I was approached by Michael Wells on Authonomy.com. I’d bantered about a bit in the forums with him, but the idea he had come up with was truly a flash of inspiration and I jumped at the chance to be a part of it!

He asked for contributions to an anthology based on the songs on his i-pod. Mike set up a website to collate the stories and organised everything. He set his I-pod to shuffle and gave each of us a song title. We had to write a story inspired by the song, but not using the lyrics or title.

The song I got was “The Authority Song” by John Mellencamp. Initially, I was inspired to write a rambling story about an immortal wanderer who saved some native people on a planet far, far away… sadly, while the concept was good, the film “Avatar” had arrived on the scene and dealt with the concept in a far better way, so I pulled the story and shelved it.

The second story I submitted was a shorter piece of SF that explored the concept of where sentience comes from. I slipstreamed it with a touch of fantasy and “I, Dragon” was born.

You might recognise the title a little as I bowed deeply to the Master of SF, Isaac Asimov by twisting his short story collection title, “I, Robot” and referring to concepts he created within the story.

Anyway, it was accepted for the anthology and after some intensive feedback and editing from my fellow writers included in the project, became a passably good story.

It is now available to buy and as well as “I, Dragon” you can read stories from some truly wonderful writers, including J.D. Revene, Peter Morin, T.L. Tyson, Greta Van Der Rol, Heikki Hietala amongst others.

40 authors over 12 countries and the money raised through the sale of the book goes to 9 different charities; only publishing expenses go to the publisher and everything else goes to the charities that we picked as a group.

So, do those charities a favour – go and buy a copy.

I promise that you won’t regret it – the stories are eclectic, but interesting, covering so many different genres of fiction as well as some non-fiction offerings.

Words To Music.
Cover Artwork by Bradley Wind

To buy a copy of “Words to Music” visit amazon – http://www.amazon.com/dp/1456532081

* * * * 

Now, about that muse mystifier. It’s based on Mike’s anthology inspiration concept…

Follow these instructions carefully:

1) I want you to put on a random CD from your collection / plug yourself into your MP3 Player / Computer… however you prefer to listen to music.

2) Press play then skip it nine times.

3) Write down the third word of the title of the song you get.

4) Press play again. Skip again, this time 12 times.

5) Write down the first word of the title of the song you get.

6) Press play again. This time, skip it four times only.

7) Write down the fourth word of the title of the song you get. 

8) Write a flash story (250 – 1000 words) including those three words in some way.

NB: If the song titles you get on steps 3 & 7 only have one or two words, then skip the music once more to get the words.

Have fun!

The World of The Tiger Princess Presents... Robblogger!

Sexy Deep Voiced Announcer: Welcome to another edition of “The World of the Tiger Princess”!

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND CLAPS

Sexy Deep Voiced Announcer: And here is your host… the Princess herself, the Lady of Literature…the Tiger Princess!

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND CLAPS AS THE TIGER PRINCESS ENTERS AND MOVES TO THE DAIS, WAVING AND SMILING.

Tiger Princess: Thank you, Mr. A! Well, what can I say about today’s guest? He’s a mystery man who has a wicked sense of humour and a strangely compelling way of writing, as well as a long suffering girlfriend! Put your hands together and join me in greeting Robblogger!

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND CLAPS

Robblogger - Man of Mystery...

“AHEAD BY A CENTURY” BY TRAGICALLY HIP PLAYS:

“First we'd climb a tree and maybe then we'd talk. 

Or sit silently and listen to our thoughts. 

With illusions of someday casting a golden light. 

No dress rehearsal, this is our life. 

That's when the hornet stung me and I had a feverish dream 

With revenge and doubt tonight we smoke them out” 

ROBBLOGGER, WEARING A BLACK AND WHITE STRIPED MASK, BLACK SUIT AND RED LINED CAPE APPEARS AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.

COLLECTING A PAIR OF BRUNETTES IN SPANGLY SHOWGIRL OUTFITS, ROBBLOGGER MAKES HIS ENTRANCE.

HE PAUSES ON THE STAGE TO SWEEP A DRAMATIC FLOURISH OF HIS CAPE TO THE AUDIENCE, BEFORE KISSING THE GIRLS ON THE CHEEK AND STEPPING UP TO JOIN THE TIGER PRINCESS ON THE DAIS.

Tiger Princess: Welcome to The World of The Tiger Princess, Robblogger. I see you come in disguise.

Robblogger: Thank you for having me. I’ll tell you why I’m wearing the mask later…

Tiger Princess: Fair enough. So, on with the show…

ROBBLOGGER BOWS AND THEY BOTH SIT DOWN.

Tiger Princess: What age did you start writing? Why?

Robblogger: My friends and I would play Dungeons and Dragons, and they would put their fantasy lives in my hands. I acted as Dungeon Master. A wonder I didn’t get involved in S & M play at a later age with a lofty title like that.

The Dungeon Master, for the uninitiated, creates the world for his friends, who would remain virgins many years after they should have, due to evidence I will soon present, and party due to their predilection for wanting to be dwarves and elves.

Well I would write these rich histories for even the smallest of characters. I’d spend the week between sessions trying to figure out the Halfling by the fire’s motivation for ordering mead rather than ale, and agonizing over whether or not he smoked a pipe. Where the tobacco came from? The economic and social relationship of tobacco producers in the Kingdom, and a thousand other details, all occupied my time.

I lived in Northern Ontario, there wasn’t a lot to do in my hometown, population 1 000.

The barmaid would often be an orphan, an antique broach around her neck bearing the seal of an ancient noble family, would be the clue my intrepid adventurers would need to set them off on a grand adventure.

Instead we spent a lot of time in discussions like this:

My best friend who would be a virgin until at least 20: “I want to sleep with the barmaid. My Priest’s charisma is 16. What do I have to roll to seduce her?”

My other friend who I think is still a virgin: “I’ll try to pick her pockets, I’m a 9th level thief, and I’ve got a 75 % chance of success. Then with the money I get from her I’ll offer it back to her to sleep with me.”

Me: You notice a worn talisman around her neck...

Virgin 20: I rolled a 14 is that modified by my comeliness? Did I sleep with her? What was it like?

Still a Virgin: I’ll steal the talisman. Then tell her if she doesn’t sleep with me she’s not getting it back. Or I’ll wait until she’s sleeping with the Priest, then I’ll take the talisman and offer it to another barmaid to sleep with me.

Then I turned 16 and realized that playing with girls was more fun than conjuring wenches for my friends to exploit. And I packed in the 20 sided dice, but kept writing.

Yikes just yikes that was a looooong answer I’ll try to keep them shorter!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS.

Tiger Princess: Why did you choose to use your Internet Name for a Pen Name?

Robblogger: My girlfriend is only now finding out how strange I am. I’ve kept it pretty well concealed for years. I believe she secretly lives in terror of anyone finding out she has decided to spend her life with someone who thinks filling a condom with pennies is pretty funny. I remain anonymous to protect her anonymity.

That was much better, shorter, and relatively on topic.

Tiger Princess: Would you ever use your real name for your writing?

Robblogger: If I did I would likely find myself single, so no plans at the moment to reveal my secret identity. And my girlfriend can do this thing with her tongue... let’s move on...

Tiger Princess: That explains the mask!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS.

Robblogger: Exactly. Robblogger allows me to vent, to say the most outrageous things. By nature I am actually fairly introverted.

Tiger Princess: How much writing do you do on a daily basis?

Robblogger: I’m not a disciplined writer. One day I might write 5 000 words, then nothing for a week, and then I’ll write a novel in a month.

Doing the blog has been good for me. It forces me to write every day, except when I do six or seven posts in an afternoon.

I’m incredibly lazy, punctuated by periods of extreme ambitiousness, or ambitiousocity.

Tiger Princess: If you could meet any writer (living or dead), who would it be and why?

Robblogger: I’ve met quite a few celebrities, and people I admire, and almost without exception they’ve disappointed me.

I had an encounter not entirely suitable for a family audience, with Cliff Claven, the lovable mailman from Cheers. I found out he enjoys having a high heel pressed against a body part you wouldn’t think a man would enjoy having a high heel pressed against.

So I’m not sure I’d want to meet any of my favorite writers.

But I love Leonard Cohen. “Beautiful Losers” is one of my favorite novels. I think he would be fun to hang out with. I bet he knows girls in Montreal that would do things I can’t even talk my girlfriend into on my birthday

Tiger Princess: Which tools do you prefer to write with – Paper / Ink or Computer / Keyboard and Why?

Robblogger: It depends on what I’m writing. If I’m writing Robblogger nonsense I like the computer. If I’m writing personal stuff, or serious stuff, I like a note pad and a felt tip pen. I love drawing a line through a sentence that isn’t working, or putting a bold X through an entire paragraph I don’t like.

Tiger Princess: Why write about travelling if you aren’t going to Travel?

Robblogger: I don’t want to give away too much! Anyone out there that wants the answer to that question will have to find ninety nine cents.

Tiger Princess: Did you enjoy the experience of watching Coronation Street?

Robblogger: I actually love foreign television. I’d watch Coronation Street again, I did enjoy it. Most of the time I spent giggling a bit and trying to figure out why it was so incredibly popular in the UK.

My conclusion is, it’s a soap opera about average people, well average to ugly people. And they have lives less interesting than mine?

Maybe that’s the point it’s relatable, and as a smoker my teeth aren’t as white as they could be. Watching these nightmares made me feel pretty good about myself.

Tiger Princess: Why didn’t you watch the TV shows of any of the other countries as well?

Robblogger: You are a demanding Mistress. I bet you would have made a great Dungeon Master.

Tiger Princess: I wasn’t too bad at it… Answer the question!

Robblogger: GRINS It was purely coincidental that I caught Coronation Street. My girlfriend and I have an ongoing battle over TV channels.

I’ll add all these Spanish channels to our favorites list. The next time I’m flipping around I find that she’s removed it all. Spanish variety shows look like so much fun. One minute children are balancing eggs on spoons, and the next there are nineteen year olds in bikinis wrestling. And everyone looks like they’re having so much fun!

Tiger Princess: Do you think that E-books / E-Readers will kill off Paper books?

Robblogger: SINGS

In my mind, and in my car, 

We can’t rewind we've gone too far. 

Video killed the radio star 

Tiger Princess: I like that song too, just don’t give up your day job for singing, okay?

ROBBLOGGER LOOKS SHEEPISH

Tiger Princess: Is there going to be a sequel to “Don’t Go There”?

Robblogger: I can definitely say that maybe, possibly, one day, I am not adverse to the idea of thinking about a sequel.

Actually it’s entirely likely. I loved writing it!

Tiger Princess: And Finally – if you won the Booker Prize, how would you celebrate?

Robblogger: I have to be perfectly honest. I don’t even know what the Booker Prize is. If there’s cash involved, I’d likely order a pizza and buy myself something nice, because it’s likely I deserved it

Tiger Princess: Thank you for being on the show.

Robblogger: And thank you for interviewing me. If you ever hit it big and are in the market for a sidekick, I’m slightly effeminate enough to appeal to most women.

Tiger Princess: LOOKS THOUGHTFUL I’ll keep you in mind!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS THEN BREAKS INTO A STANDING OVATION.

Tiger Princess: And that's all we have time for right now. See y'all soon, in The World of the Tiger Princess!
____________________________________________________________

“Don’t Go there!” has a refreshingly simple way of looking at the countries of the world. Instead of enumerating the many wonderful things of each country, Robblogger looks at why we shouldn’t go to each country.


I particularly liked the foreword, explaining his motivation for writing this e-book:

“What’s this dubious literary offering all about? Besides a pretty clever way to part you from ninety nine cents, my girlfriend has always wanted to travel. I care for the idea of travelling about as much as I care for the idea of soaking my head in a sink full of electric eels. Travel appeals to me not very much at all, slightly less than not very much at all, to be brutally honest.

So the birth of this e-book was my girlfriend suggesting countries we should visit. And me finding creative ways to convince her that visiting each proposed country wouldn't be fun.”

He is remarkably persuasive and honest about his opinion of each place. I have no idea if he managed to achieve his stated goal of convincing his girlfriend not to travel, but I definitely enjoyed the journey the book took me on!

Despite the tongue-in-cheekiness’ of his humour, Robblogger’s assessment of each country is informative and interesting. Of course, being an English native, I immediately turned to England to see what he thought of us:

“Windsor Castle and LEGOLAND in one day. Is that even safe or socially responsible? Dragging the kids around a thousand year old castle while they whine: Can we go to Legoland now? Is it time to go to LEGOLAND now? When are we going to LEGOLAND?”

This made me laugh out loud (I’m glad no one was in the room when I was reading this) because it’s almost exactly what I thought when my partner suggested we go to Windsor Castle during the summer for a family daytrip…

And his evaluation of our TV Shows was right on the money! He actually watched a whole episode of Coronation Street in the course of his research into England…

Warning: Coronation Street Fans look away now

“One of their most popular television shows is Coronation Street. I was unfortunate enough to catch an episode of this questionable program. It’s a soap opera featuring the unattractive, and none of the stars have seen the inside of a dentist’s office, I am sure.

The residents of Coronation Street spend a lot of time in a bar, getting drunk enough to sleep with each other, and in the episode I saw the big crisis was a broken washing machine.

The acting in American soaps is pretty poor, but I don’t think the stars of Coronation Street could even get a part in an American fifth grade Thanksgiving Day Pageant. Even with the accent, and the historically accurate teeth, I don’t think they could pull off Pilgrims convincingly.”

…Now if that isn’t perseverance, I don’t know what is!

Of all the ten countries Robblogger summarised, I think I would like to visit Australia the most, but even that has it’s down sides… and no, I’m not going to tell you what he’s written about the country, because for the minimal price of 99 cents you can pick yourself up a copy to read it.

Do I recommend you read this?

Yes, I do.

Why?

In the first place it’s a great way of travelling without shifting from your chair, and in the second place, it’s actually pretty useful, if you are going to be travelling to any of the places Robblogger talks about. Most Guidebooks gush about the scenery and attractions; this one tells you the hard facts, but without scaring you.

“Don’t Go There” only has one flaw… it’s too short! I would have loved to hear what Robblogger thought of Italy or Kenya or Japan, so all I can hope is that there will be a sequel.

*looks pointedly in Robblogger's direction*

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

To Buy a Copy

Just slip into his blog… Inspired by Caffeine & Nicotine and hit the buy now button!

Sunday Lecture: Crafting.... and Writing.

Those of you who know me, know that I have a lot of hobbies. Most of them are linked to my design training and provide a creative, calming outlet for those times when Puff (my meandering muse) disappears.

Warrior Pattern Choker 

People who've seen or received my creations seem to like then and I've often toyed with the idea of making it into a business... but I always come to the conclusion that it would make it less fun and take me away from my writing.


Still, I craft in whatever I do. The Design Principles have just as much bearing in Writing as they do in Crafting.


"What are the Design Principles?" comes a shout from the back. 


All right, I'll tell you...

1. The Initial Idea: Doesn't matter where it comes from, you just have to have it.Could have come from a Brief or just been inspired by something you saw.
2. The Research: This is essential to make sure that your product will hit the target market just right, and become a necessary adjunct.
3. The Development: Get the rough idea and smooth it out. Add some excitement and pizazz, slip in some features that will secure your product's place in the Target Market.
4. The Final Idea: Refine your development until you have the product that you would like to send out into the world.
5. The Finished Product: Make your product from the finest materials you can manage. Polish it until it shines like a shiny thing...

Of course, in the Design World there are a few more stages, but those are the basic ones that I teach kids in Design Technology. 

Can you see how they would fit into writing? Read them through again. Start thinking of your novel, story or poetry as a product that you are trying to sell to the world and you might get a little further than before...

Book Review – Exploring Human Nature.

Life is one of these strange things. We tend to take it for granted until it is threatened or lost in front of us. That’s the nature of humans, you see; as a race we ignore what we don’t want to see.

Illness is one of the things that everyone tend to ignore. Whether it’s mental or physical, people just don’t want to let illness affect them or their little world. Disease is one of the things that scare Humans, because we can’t control it.

Where am I going with this?

Well, today’s book review is about Illness and what it does to people. I’ll let you read on and come to your own conclusions…

****************

"But Daddy, who will live with me in heaven?"

Doctor Simon Bailey has everything a man could ever want. Then his beautiful daughter is diagnosed with Leukaemia. He can almost accept her impending death. He can almost accept the fact that he will have to live without her. But he cannot stand the thought of his little girl having to face death alone.

He answers her innocent question in a moment of desperation, testing his marriage, his professional judgment and his sanity to the limit.

As cracks form in Simon's previously perfect family, we wonder, as do his loved ones ... will he really make the ultimate sacrifice? 

As a student of Human Nature (most writers are; how else do we get ideas for characters?) I was intrigued by the situation that “Simon’s Choice” posed. It is a familiar circumstance for too many people and the story is not an easy one to read. However, Charlotte Castle’s writing style and the touches of humour that appear make it an easy book to get hooked into.

Starting just as Sarah is going through a period of remission, we meet the characters in the process of trying to resume their lives after Sarah’s initial illness. When the leukaemia returns with a vengeance, Simon and Melissa are forced to consider the fact that their daughter is unlikely to survive.

From the first, Charlotte’s writing evokes emotions of the deepest kind; the fear, panic and despair warring with the strongest love possible. Charlotte’s deft touch gives the story a realism that draws you in and you find yourself in tears or laughing without warning.

The difficult decisions facing Sarah’s parents and the consequences of not communicating properly, produce heart rending circumstances, interwoven smoothly with moments of humour which stop the story from being too sad.

Dealing with the fear of death and the stresses that serious illness can cause in relationships, “Simon’s Choice” also looks at what lies beyond, the afterlife and faith. This is a story that makes you look at your own life differently, making you wonder how you would deal with a similar position.

I won’t say much about the ending, other than it was so beautiful, it made me feel that despite the sadness of the story, it really was a happy one. Although I cried a fair bit, I smiled just as much and I can thoroughly recommend “Simon’s Choice” should be added to your bookshelf.

Available in Digital and Paperback from:

Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Simons-Choice-How-father-ever/dp/1453681795/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294949600&sr=1-2

Kindle US: http://www.amazon.com/Simons-Choice-ebook/dp/B003VS0DWI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AC2OY4L5JUE2O&s=books&qid=1294949600&sr=1-1

Amazon uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Simons-Choice-Charlotte-Castle/dp/1453681795/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294949959&sr=1-2

Kindle UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Simons-Choice-Charlotte-Castle/dp/1453681795/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294949959&sr=1-2

Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/18985

****************

Today, I’m not going to add links to other blogs or writing sites. It feels wrong after reading “Simon’s Choice”; not entirely sure why, but I’m in a thoughtful mood.

Instead, I’m going to share the Author’s note with you:

“Thankfully, Simon and Melissa’s story is not mine and is entirely fictional. However, there are many parents who are living this nightmare.

 

Whilst Madron House is also a product of my imagination, the similar children’s hospices around the country do amazing work looking after children in their last days and caring for the needs of their distraught parents.

 

It costs between 2.5 and 6 million pounds per annum to run a hospice.

Most of this money has to be found from charity.

 

If you have been at all moved by this tale, perhaps you would take a moment to call a hospice and make a small donation. It doesn't have to be much. Just £2 would buy a can of squirty cream for a Kayleigh. It would buy a goldfish for a Sarah. It would buy a cup of tea for a Melissa and it would buy a moment of kindness and counselling for a Simon. “

Wondering where your nearest Hospice is? Here’s some information for you:

Child Hospices UK: (44) 0117 989 7820

Ty Hafan, Wales: http://www.tyhafan.org/

Forget Me Not Hospice, West Yorkshire: (44) 01474 487570

St Martin’s House, West Yorkshire: (44) 01937 844569

In the USA: http://www.hospicefoundation.org/

In Canada: http://www.hospicedirectory.org/

I hope that you can find it in your heart to help these places that help children live as normally as possible, even with serious illness.

Monday Muse Mystifier...

Look at that picture... doesn't it just make you feel warm inside? Or does it? What does it make you feel? Why does it make you feel that way? Explore the feelings and get ready for today's Monday Muse Mystifier...

Write a flash story about the picture. Include as much emotion and description as you can within the 1000 word limit.

Post your effort in the comments if you want to - keep it to yourself if you don't. Just get your Muse's creative juice flowing and WRITE! 

Don't care about the spelling or the grammar or even the word length until you finish - let the story flow out of you and WRITE!!

Ready,

Steady,

Write!

Tuesday Review: Hellogon by John Booth

Tuesday Reviews are all about new connections for me. I try hard to pick books that I haven’t read before, by writers that I don’t normally read, in genres that I wouldn’t usually pick up, even in the library or brand new authors.

I also try to include a couple of links to Blogs or Websites that I find interesting at the end of the post.

So what’s today’s Review?

****************

Hellogon by John Booth

Peter Craig has been trained from childhood as a fifth columnist for the British Empire. He thinks he has been expelled from the Establishment for murder.

The truth will take him to other worlds and lies will be his only hope of salvation.

Can he save two worlds or will he destroy one or both of them?

Is he a hero or a villain?

When I read a Book, it has to grab my attention quickly and hold it. If I have to work too hard to understand what is going on or get lost in too much information, then I will often put it down as quickly as I picked it up. I suppose in that sense, I am very much like the Young Adults this book is targeted at.

Hellogon is a complex story of love, betrayal and power. John Booth has a writing style that immediately brings you into the world you are reading about. With a few well written paragraphs, he hooks you and before you know it, you’ve read more than you intended to.

The story challenges stereotypes and brings up difficult subjects like genocide and sexuality in a way that makes them easy to understand either side of the issue, but as well as making you think, it is also entertaining, perfect for its target market.

Peter’s relationships with the young women around him are handled deftly, with a touch of romance and a wry sense of humour reassuring the reader that the characters are taking the predicaments they find themselves in seriously. What sex scenes there are superbly crafted, in a way that is natural.

Hellogon discusses the uses of power and the basics of politics without making them boring. From a Teaching point of view, this books would make a brilliant book for a discussion group in secondary school, either for English or Personal and Social Education.

John Booth also knows how to craft a cliff hanger. The last chapter of the book had me alternately aghast at what had happened and agog to find out what happens next!

While the book is aimed at the Young Adult Market, the readers need to be mature enough to handle the subjects covered. It is a book that I can see myself giving to my son and daughter when they are older, safe in the knowledge that there is nothing in the story that would harm them at all.

Hellogon is an enthralling read and one that I can thoroughly recommend, not just as a Writer or Editor, but as a Teacher and a Parent.

To read a free sample

http://www.freado.com/book/8943/hellogon

To buy a copy:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hellogon/dp/B004FV54SS

http://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/32945/1/hellogon

****************

About the Author of Hellogon:

John Booth has been published in some strange places - Poetry with famous poets in 1974, a technical paper in Prague in the 1980's and in a collection of Summer Short stories and an anthology of Erotica Stories a few months ago.

One day he hopes a publisher will fall in love with one of his novels, novels he didn't start writing until 2006. Hope is always fun.

Strangely enough the hope became a reality. You can buy his debut novel "Wizards" in both print and digital format at:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wizards/dp/B004C44GN2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=A3TVV12T0I6NSM&qid=1291292708&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Wizards-John-Booth/dp/0982979150/

And you can buy his second novel, Hellogon at:

http://www.amazon.com/Hellogon-John-Booth/dp/1456432419/

You can find his other work at - http://johnbooth.weebly.com

****************

I’ve got a couple of new places for you to visit now…

http://jakebarton.wordpress.com

Jake Barton is a talented writer witha dark sense of humour and his blog is a place worth visiting!

http://www.angelsghosts.com

This website is great for information about Angels, Ghosts and Demons. Everything from names to pictures – it’s the perfect place for horror writers and fantasy writers…

Editing, Writing and Sundays…

I’m not sure if any of you have visited my Webzine yet…

If you haven’t, Why not?

…There are all sorts of things over there, Stories, poems, articles, I’ve even got Anne Stokes as the Featured Artist for this month! Seriously, that was a coup and a half – her work is stunning. Just look at the picture below...

Forest Unicorn by Anne Stokes

I have a regular contributor in the form of Maria Kuroshchepova who writes the Mama Masha’s Kitchen Article – these are seriously informative, fun and I wouldn’t read any of them on an empty stomach; they make me hungry every time!

The Featured Writer for January is Michele Brenton aka Banana the Poet. She is one of the funniest poets I know, a lot like Pam Ayres who I adore.

There is also a writing competition on the website… this is the prompt and I welcome anyone and everyone to have a go, no matter how good a writer you think you are!

Welcome to Wherever... Writing Competition

Stories will be voted on by the readers of the webzine in the February 2011 edition. The winner becomes the Featured Writer for the March 2011 edition and gets an article about them, a whole page to themselves to showcase their work and an interview on "The World of the Tiger Princess." in the webzine.

The interview will also be posted on here, so you’ll get a fair audience for your answers!

February is also “Women in Horror month" and I am going so if anyone fancies writing a horror story / poem about a woman, or you are a woman in horror yourself and want to contribute, contact me via the webzine

Welcome to Wherever... Submission Guidelines and Contacts

I enjoy being the Owner / Editor of “Welcome to Wherever…”, even with the stress that happens at the end of the month (pre-publication), it’s just so satisfying to put it together and see the finished result on the net for everyone to read.

Some times I wish I didn’t have to do so much chasing around for content, but it’s early days and I have just managed to get the webzine listed on Duotrope.com, so hopefully that will increase the amount of submissions I get.

Now if only I could get a Poetry Editor, I’d be happy. While I can write Noetry and (sometimes) poetry, I’m at a loss when it comes to editing it; I have no idea what formatting to use or anything!

Anyone interested?

Sundays are a strange day. When I was growing up, it always felt like they were too long – especially the afternoons. Now it feels like they are dragging, but when I look at the time, it’s always later than it feels!

That’s how my current Work-In-Progress feels. I just finished editing and rewriting the first half of the book. That seemed to fly past. Now I’ve hit the bit that is supposed to be fun – the writing of the new bit, the finishing of the story.

But I can’t seem to get going. I know where the story has to go, I know roughly how to get there…sadly, Puff hasn’t caught up with me yet. He’s pootling around and not telling me what words to put onto the page.

Puff the Star Pet Dragon - my Muse

I might have a way of persuading him though.

According to “Dragon Academy” by Diane Nelson (excellent book, I recommend you buy a copy) Dragons like Liquorice. So, tomorrow I am buying a couple of bags of Bertie Bassett’s, some red and green laces, and some fruit liquorice. Hopefully it will persuade him to tell me what to write…

Friday Thoughts…What happens when you get stuck?

I write all sorts of things (well except Erotica – I’m useless at that) and often when I am trying something different or I’m stuck on something, I research it on the internet. Over the last couple of years, I have gathered a list of my most useful websites and today I thought I would share them with you!

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Rhyme Zone

I write rhyming stories for children – they’re easy to read and you can make them nonsense and the kids will still love them. I do get stuck for rhymes every so often and Rhyme Zone is great! It does phrases as well as individual words, rather handy when you’ve made up a word and have to rhyme it!

Godchecker

This is the best place on the next to get the basics about the various pantheons. It’s funny too and you can get caught up in their interpretations of the stories surrounding the gods, saints etc.

Ten Ways to Kill a Zombie 

I might write horror stories, but I hadn’t written anything about zombies before and I wasn’t sure how to kill them, apart from dismembering them. So I looked it up. This is one of the best articles I have ever read on such a gory subject!

Shakespeare Insult Kit

Insults get boring when you are writing. Using the modern ones (and no I am not going to detail them) can make a fantasy piece sound completely wrong. So coming across this page was a goddess send. It’s fun for playing with words on Facebook too…

20,000 Names

I already have a couple of Baby Name books, but even companion creatures have names and some, like particular breeds of horses for example, have to have particular names. This website has names for everyone, no matter the race, religion or species.

Creativity Tools

I discovered this recently. It’s an interesting place with lots of ways of breaking blocks, generating prompts and just general wordplay fun.

Maps of The World 

I don’t know how good your geography skills are, but mine are terrible! I got a D in GCSE Geography. This website comes in handy when I need to place a story somewhere in this world and reality…

Duotrope

Of course, once you’ve finished your story, you need to get it published. This website is a wonderful place for Editors, Writers and Poets. You can find every market from Competitions to Anthologies and Independent Publishers here. As Essential a Tool as The Writer’s Handbook.

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These are just my favourite tools by the way. So here’s Friday’s thought –

What happens when you get stuck? What tools or Websites do you like to use to get out of the hole / rut?

From the FSS Archives... Suzannah Burke

I'm pulling a favourite writer out of my archives this week. Suzannah Burke is one of my heroes - she has been through so much, yet come out of it laughing and writing such wonderful things. So here is the interview I had with her and one of her brilliant flash stories...

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Sexy Deep Voiced Announcer: After a small Hiatus to try and get some writing done, our Leading Lady is back! Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for the one… the only… Tiger Princess!

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS, STANDING UP AS THE TIGER PRINCESS ENTERS THE STUDIO.

Tiger Princess: Boy, is it good to be back – I’ve missed you, Mr. Announcer…

Sexy Deep Voiced Announcer: And we’ve missed you, M’lady.

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS AGAIN. TIGER PRINCESS MOVES TO THE MIDDLE OF THE DAIS IN FRONT OF THE CHAIRS

Tiger Princess: Today, we have a real Heroine of mine on the show.

Her heart rending biography “Empty Chairs” is being published by Night Publishing under the pen name of Stacey Danson and at times I found myself sobbing uncontrollably as I read it. For anyone to go through all that pain and abuse, yet come out so strong and wonderfully whole as an adult, is a true miracle.


My Guest tonight isn’t just about her experiences though, she’s also a beautiful person and a stunningly unputdownable writer. She has a delightful sense of humour, as seen in “The Dudes Down Under Series.”.

PAUSES FOR BREATH.

May I introduce to you, Suzannah Burke!

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS, STANDING UP AS “DON’T CRY OUT LOUD” BY MELISSA MANCHESTER PLAYS.


SUZE SASHAYS DOWN THE STAIRS WEARING A SPANGLY, BLACK, FLOOR-LENGTH DRESS AND HOLDING THE ARMS OF TWO RATHER HANDSOME GENTLEMEN IN TUXEDOS.

Tiger Princess: Welcome to the Show, Suzannah.

Suze: Thank you for having me. Call me Suze; everyone does, even I do!

Tiger Princess: When / Where / Why did you start writing?

Suze: My very first foray into writing was when I was around twelve-years-old. I was living in a shipping container on the docks in Sydney with a bunch of other street kids.

One of them, “Jenny”, was only eight. She was a fragile and damaged little girl. Jenny began to trust me, and we had a little thing happening where I would write {Such as it was} a story on newspaper with a pencil, about an imaginary world where people were kind, and abuse didn’t happen.

They evolved into stories of fairies and elves. She needed one a day, and I read them to her at night just before she went to sleep. I left the group when I was sixteen and didn’t write again until 2007. Then I began to write, every day, at times I was writing for twelve hours at a stretch. I haven’t stopped.

Tiger Princess: How much writing do you do on a daily basis?

Suze: The amount of words depends solely on what I am writing. Flash Fiction is something I love to do, so I attempt to write 3 or so of those in any given week. Mostly for contest entries.

I am also working on the second book in the Dudes Down Under series. I write a 1000 words a day for that. Then I have the blog and I am also beginning the second book in my 3 part biography. All up I guess I write between 1000 and 3000 words every day.

Tiger Princess: If you could meet any writer (living or dead), who would it be and why?

Suze: For me that would have to be Australian Author Peter Carey.. he’s won the Booker twice with “Oscar and Lucinda” and “True History of the Kelly Gang.

I just love his quirky humor, he writes even the darkest of scenes with an edge of humor to them that carries the unmistakable Carey touch. His writing crosses genres so effortlessly. He is one author I would give anything to meet and talk to.

“Parrot And Olivier In America” by Peter Carey is also on the shortlist for this years booker.

Tiger Princess: What is your favourite music to write to and why?

Suze: I can’t listen to music while I write, any noise is a distraction, so much so that I write with earplugs in so that no sound penetrates. I have a do not disturb sign on the door and the phone switched off. I often forget to stop and eat as well.

I listen to music before I write to help set the mood I need, but only when I’m writing fiction.

Then the music depends on what I am thinking of writing.

For Comedy I listen to Rock ‘n’ Roll, the light fast stuff.

Drama...mmm gimme R&B.

Horror, well Black Sabbath and Deep Purple can set that up for me nicely.

Tiger Princess: Which do you prefer – Paper / Ink or Computer / Keyboard and Why?

Suze: Initially in 2007, I used pen and paper. A computer was way outside my disability pension budget. Then just before Christmas 2008 our then Prime Minister decided that all disabled pensioners should receive a one of payment of $1600.

Wow, what a Christmas that was!

AUDIENCE LAUGH.

I gave myself a laptop with wireless internet connection, a desk and a printer. I’ve spent the last two years learning how to use it. I love it now...and it’s an addiction. I can’t stand it when I run out of funds to top up and recharge the net. I budget carefully now to make certain that doesn’t happen.

Tiger Princess: And Finally – if you won the Booker Prize, how would you celebrate?

Suze: That is so far outside even my imagination... I really had to think carefully about it. I don’t know, perhaps have all the folks that helped me learn to write in the first place...and those that edited my work. Anyone that contributed to my writing in anyway...get them all together and have a huge celebration. Then start writing again for the next round.

Tiger Princess: Thank you for joining us. When you win the Booker, I’ll be round like a shot!

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Nice girls.

By Suzannah Burke.

“Is that it, Pop?”

“Yes, sonny-boy, that’s it.”

“It’s kinda beat up, huh?”

“Is it? Well…yes, I suppose it is now that you mention it. Didn’t used to look like that though, boy. There was a time when any young man taking his best girl on a date would’ve been mighty proud to have picked her up in that there car.”

“Is that the car you drove when you first met Grandma?”

“It surely is, boy.”

“Did you and grandma go on dates, for real?”

“No, boy …we dated by correspondence. Of course we went on dates! Things may be a little different these days, but boys still ask girls out, don’t they?”

“Sure…Pop. Sure we do.”

“And I guess boys still try to get girls into the back seat?”

“Pop!”

“Good God. You young folks seem to think we grandparents were born old and grey.”

“Pop, Its… I …um”

“Well that’s a hell of an informative observation, boy. Tell me now, when you go on a first date, with a nice girl, what do you do? Where do you take her?”

“I dunno. Out I guess.”

“Maybe you just don’t know any ‘nice girls’ hmm.?

“Pop! Gimme a break. I’m eighteen. I don’t wanna know nice girls, well not yet anyways.”

“So, you only date girls you don’t consider, “Nice?”

“Hey, no …that’s not what I mean. Some of them are real nice. But they also … you know… do stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“Yeah, stuff?”

“Oh, so they put out.”

“Pop … that’s sounds, well disrespectful.”

“You call it by a nicer name?”

“Well, no, no I don’t. But it don’t mean I need to hurt their feelings.”

“So, you’re saying they have feelings? These not nice girls.”

“Course they do.”

“Ah, that makes it more interesting. So, these not nice girls with feelings…you take them to the movies maybe?”

“The movies. Um…no.”

“Then out to dinner, yes?”

“Well, not exactly…maybe McDonalds.”

“So, you buy a burger and then go down to the beach and talk, and watch the sunset?”

“No … well, we talk, maybe.”

“Face to face…or do you call em on your cell phone from the front seat to check if they undressed yet?”

“Hell, Pop … it’s just different now is all.”

“Son, that is the same damned bullshit I said to your great grandpa.”

“Oh. You did?”

“Certainly did.”

“And what did, Great-Grandpa say? I’m curious is all.”

“He said, "Sonny-boy, your ma was not considered a nice girl. I loved that woman so hard I couldn’t breathe when she was near me. So don’t be lookin’ in all them right places for somethin’ considered nice,…the greatest love of your damned life could be waitin’ on that back seat.”

“Wow.”

“Yep, that about covers it.”

“Pop…was grandma, was she…you know?”

“I loved her more than my life, boy. That’s all you’ll ever need to know. Understand?

“Yeah, yeah…pop. I think maybe I do.”

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Suzannah Burke first put pen to paper in October 2008. She had a long held desire to write, but the confidence was lacking. With almost non-existent formal education her knowledge of all things written was confined to her delight in reading.

Nanowrimo 2009 arrived and was completed, her book Dudes Down Under was born.

She recently signed a publishing contract for her biography "Empty Chairs" due for release in paperback later this year - written under the pen name of Stacey Danson.

Suzannah writes in many genres, accordingly she has different sites:

http://dudesdownunder-soooz.blogspot.com
http://staceydansonemptychairs.blogspot.com
http://sooozsaysstuff.blogspot.com

Rain, Rain, Go away,
Come again another day.
Life can always look so grey,
On the days rain comes to play.

Yes, it's raining. I don't actually hate the rain. Some days it's nice to be in a warm cosy house when it's tipping it down outside. The problem comes when I'm feeling a little blue and it's raining. That tends to be during the long dark teatime of the year that falls between Christmas and Easter.

I find myself searching for signs of Spring, things like bulb sprouts and leaf buds. Where I live, that happens around the end of February usually.

I also write a lot of poetry at this time of year. It's not always that good, so you're not likely to see much of it!

Good things do happen at this time of year though. For example: one of my writer buddies has just signed a contract for her book and my favourite Horror Webzine, The House of Horror is actually becoming a quarterly print Magazine!

Basically from Issue #20 onwards, they will be going to print and the website will become the details site. This creates a whole new paying market for horror and dark fantasy writers because HOH will pay 1/4 cent per word up to 2000 words!

Keep your eyes open for more news on that - I'll post it as and when it comes up.

Another piece of good news is that you can now find "Welcome to Wherever..." on Duotrope.com! I'm hoping that will make it easier to find submissions each month - I'm not doing too badly for february at the moment...

Toodles!

The Tuesday Review takes you travelling...

Wow, another year, another set of great books to read and review. Not that I did much of that last year, but what can I say - I got distracted by all sorts of things... which if you'd been paying attention, you'd know about.

*coughs*

Sorry, I'm in a weird mood today - it might have something to do with the E-Book I just read for this week's Tuesday Review. Here, read the review and you might see what I mean...

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“Don’t Go there!” has a refreshingly simple way of looking at the countries of the world. Instead of enumerating the many wonderful things of each country, Robblogger looks at why we shouldn’t go to each country.

I particularly liked the foreword, explaining his motivation for writing this e-book:

“What’s this dubious literary offering all about? Besides a pretty clever way to part you from ninety nine cents, my girlfriend has always wanted to travel. I care for the idea of travelling about as much as I care for the idea of soaking my head in a sink full of electric eels. Travel appeals to me not very much at all, slightly less than not very much at all, to be brutally honest. 

So the birth of this e-book was my girlfriend suggesting countries we should visit. And me finding creative ways to convince her that visiting each proposed country wouldn't be fun.” 

He is remarkably persuasive and honest about his opinion of each place. I have no idea if he managed to achieve his stated goal of convincing his girlfriend not to travel, but I definitely enjoyed the journey the book took me on!

Despite the tongue-in-cheekiness’ of his humour, Robblogger’s assessment of each country is informative and interesting. Of course, being an English native, I immediately turned to England to see what he thought of us:

“Windsor Castle and LEGOLAND in one day. Is that even safe or socially responsible? Dragging the kids around a thousand year old castle while they whine: Can we go to Legoland now? Is it time to go to LEGOLAND now? When are we going to LEGOLAND?” 

This made me laugh out loud (I’m glad no one was in the room when I was reading this) because it’s almost exactly what I thought when my partner suggested we go to Windsor Castle during the summer for a family daytrip…

And his evaluation of our TV Shows was right on the money! He actually watched a whole episode of Coronation Street in the course of his research into England…

Warning: Coronation Street Fans look away now 

“One of their most popular television shows is Coronation Street. I was unfortunate enough to catch an episode of this questionable program. It’s a soap opera featuring the unattractive, and none of the stars have seen the inside of a dentist’s office, I am sure. 

The residents of Coronation Street spend a lot of time in a bar, getting drunk enough to sleep with each other, and in the episode I saw the big crisis was a broken washing machine. 

The acting in American soaps is pretty poor, but I don’t think the stars of Coronation Street could even get a part in an American fifth grade Thanksgiving Day Pageant. Even with the accent, and the historically accurate teeth, I don’t think they could pull off Pilgrims convincingly.” 

…Now if that isn’t perseverance, I don’t know what is!

Of all the ten countries Robblogger summarised, I think I would like to visit Australia the most, but even that has it’s down sides… and no, I’m not going to tell you what he’s written about the country, because for the minimal price of 99 cents you can pick yourself up a copy to read it.

Do I recommend you read this? 

Yes, I do.

Why?

In the first place it’s a great way of travelling without shifting from your chair, and in the second place, it’s actually pretty useful, if you are going to be travelling to any of the places Robblogger talks about. Most Guidebooks gush about the scenery and attractions; this one tells you the hard facts, but without scaring you.

“Don’t Go There” only has one flaw… it’s too short! I would have loved to hear what Robblogger thought of Italy or Kenya or Japan, so all I can hope is that there will be a sequel. 

*looks pointedly in Robblogger's direction*

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

To Buy a Copy 

Just slip into his blog… Inspired by Caffeine & Nicotine and hit the buy now button!

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Right, while I've got you, there are a couple of other places I would like you to have a squiz at as well...

About Writing is written by Diane Lebow, Freelance Writer and Online Marketer. 

House of Horror: The Duel II - this contest for Horror writers showcases the contestant's  talent in a tight spot - two writer's enter, only one survives to the next round! Take a look and vote!

Well that's all for today - see ya tomorrow!

Monday Muse Mystifier

Well, it's the first Bank Holiday of the year... I hope all my UK writing buddies are making good use of it to sort out their reticent muses. If you're having trouble getting your brain back into gear or your muse is refusing to co-operate on your project, here's an exercise to mystify it and entertain you -  hopefully getting you back into the writing frame of mind! 

Write a 200 word piece with the following words included in some way.

• Playground 
• Corn 
• Freedom 
• Doomed

Feel free to post your results below this blog entry - it'd be fun to see what you come up with!

Tally ho! Tantivy and away after that muse!

This was Mine…

Nibbling on his corn on the cob, Mike walked through the playground. The swings were moving with the wind and the autumn leaves swirled and danced around the climbing frame.

It was at times like this that he loved being eighteen. His younger brothers and sisters all had to be in by ten and in bed by midnight, but since mike’s birthday, his parents hadn’t questioned him once about where he was going or who he’d be with.

The freedom to be an adult had been handed to him with a front door key and his birthday present of a motorbike.

“Go careful.” Was the only thing his dad had said. “We’re paying for the first year’s insurance etc, but you’d better get yourself a job to pay for it next year.”

Next year seemed so far away as Mike sat on the park bench by his bike, finishing off the last of his fried chicken dinner. Dropping the rubbish into the paper bag, he wiped his hands and threw the bag into a nearby bin. Then he pulled his gloves on and straddled his bike.

The roar of the motor soothed him and he rode into the night, his headlight showing a rabbit by the roadside. At the last minute, the animal ran out in front of him. He swerved and the wall that flashed into the light beam showed him he was doomed.

I have a cunning plan...

It’s a new calendar year. Time to make resolutions and plans. In my case it’s going to be a plan; for I only have one Major Resolution this year –

I shall get “The Secret of Arking Down: The Angel’s Crown” published this year. Of course, this means that I have to finish writing it first…

But never fear, I have already planned out how it is going to happen (or at least the first two steps) and I shall be resolute and steadfast in my campaign:

1. I shall finish the first draft by 30th April. 
2. I’ll leave it alone and work on something else for two months after that. 
3. I’ll start the first paper edit on 1st July. 
4. Then I will rewrite according to all the red pen from 1st August. 
5. After that I have to sort out a Beta Reader / Editor (any volunteers would be welcome!) to check that I have done a good job on the edit. 
6. Then I edit again… 

Hopefully at this point I can get on with my synopsis, basic query letter and agent / publisher research!

So cross your fingers for me. Getting “Angel” published is going to be the task that tells me if I’m just a talented amateur or a properly saleable writer.

I was going to run another monthly contest from my author website. But having set up and run “Welcome to Wherever…” for a couple of months, I realised that I wouldn’t have enough time in the month to run two contests, put together a webzine and finish writing “The Angel’s Crown” – let alone the demands of a household as well!

So any writing contests will be routed through my webzine. I might hold a few fun things through this website, but nothing massively serious… *grins*

Of course I have all the usual resolutions as well… Drop two dress sizes by July… Learn to Drive… Get a job… so on and so forth, but somehow they don’t seem as important as usual. I’m not sure why.

*shrugs*

Ah, well. On with the novel… *flexes fingers and rolls shoulders*