It's strange, but it often takes the view of someone outside looking in to do that. And this is why women need friends. People to talk to who understand the essential problem isn't the problem you are obsessing about, but the fact that you are obsessed. A woman's female friends aren't just there to get drunk with and gossip with, they're also necessary when you need a kick up the butt to get over something.
I'm lucky enough to know a number of such women. I've not met them face to face (yet) and it's doubtful if it will ever happen with a couple of them who live overseas, but when I need support, it's there. When I need a butt kicking, it arrives right on on cue.
Of course I'd love to be able to do the gossip and get drunk thing with them as well - I have no doubt at all in my mind that they'd all be great fun to be with.
Anyway, back to my subject...
I have been acting like the most selfish person. I've been bathing in my self pity, ignoring all the attempts to drag me out of my tub. Well tonight, one of my female friends (who also happens to be a superb writer - funny, we're all excellent writers... I wonder how that happened?)grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, dragged me out of the self pity sea I was wallowing in and slapped me around the face with the Truth.
The List of Truth
1)I am a clever person - I can write and write damn well.
2)I am a nice person.
3)I have a gorgeous guy with a massively bad sense of humour, who is devoted to me.
4)I have two stunning children, who are actually fairly well behaved.
5)I have a pair of beautiful cats who can calm me and cuddle me (well one anyway - when I'm not trying to hoover him!)
6)I am rich in Time and Love - the money is only important when it is necessary and can be got as and when.
7)I have been allowing what has happened in the past control who I am. It is not who I am, Who I am is #1 to 6 above.
8) It is time for me to let go of the things that have happened to me.
#8 is the important one at the moment... I must let go.
Just talking to my friend tonight has lifted a weight from me. I feel lighter and less stressed and fraught. I feel like I can get on with living now.
She gave me a new view on things. I just hope that I can do the same for her or another of my friends one day - pass the good Karma around.
You are more than what has happened to you. Don't let it define you.
She knows who she is.